family

there are people in your life that are your blood. you can't help having them in your family... some of your blood family you love dearly and others... you really couldn't care less about....
and there is your chosen family... these are the ones who have been there through thick and thin, or if you had time apart, you found each other again and when you spoke, it was like NO time had passed since your last visit. i have both... i miss who a blood family member was... and i have pretty much totally given up on them... :( i can't completely totally give up on them... i was, or at least i though that i was, very close to them... i know i talk about this a lot... i can't help it... it hurts my heart that this person seems to be totally gone! i guess i have to learn to live with that... :(

but my chosen family... i don't think i could have picked any better! <3 i love them ALL with all my heart! <3 i love watching them interact with my babies! EVEN if they aren't feeling on top of the world. watching these people makes my heart over flow with joy! there is one lady that i miss so very much! she IS my sister. i honestly don't think that we could be any closer... even if we were blood! i get to see her in 21 LOOOONG days! but i have something to look forward too! and she will get to meet her nephew! she is so great with kids! ESPECIALLY MINE! she may not have met my leo yet but i know she will love him JUST as much as our rorah!

today i spent a good hunk of the day at my second mom's. we didn't do much, we talked a little... we were both tired and kinda just sat there... :) it wasn't weird, it wasn't strained, we were kinda falling asleep on each other... that's when you KNOW you belong. i also never really have to ask her, " wanna hold him?" all i really have to do is start to hand him off and she's there ready and willing and excited to hold him. :) that's pretty much what i do with my mommy. :)

some times i wish that the people we knew didn't disappear... be it physically, or mentally, or spiritually...

i am positive this won't be the last you hear about this.... maybe this will help me let go of my hope of that person returning... :,(